Keeping Finding Yourself or Lose Yourself

[September 2018] My two-year-old nephew is just a perfect little wonder of joy, curiosity, and frustration; the inspiration for this post. As he learns more and more words, we get more and more into the habit of spelling said words, as to not catch his attention prematurely. Anyone with a toddler or preschooler is familiar with this, I am sure. It's a thing.

Even though all these things happen daily, or at least multiple times a week, his excitement is on the level of going to space camp. If he thinks its going to happen and doesn't happen, he is devastated and struggles to put his new little words to why he is not happy. And every trip, bite, and stranger is an exciting adventure to be had. He's anything but apathetic. 

[me to nephew] Hey buddy! Can I have a hug?
[Still me]-- Hey Mom, I brought c-o-o-k-i-e-s from work- can he have one?
[Mom] Put one in my purse and I'll give it to him on the way back from the p-l-a-y-g-r-o-u-n-d. But we're having m-a-c &
c-h-e-e-s-e and veggies for dinner before we go.
​Want to join us?

Ahhh Excited GIF from Ahhh GIFs

[January 2020] When you're grown and planning your every step, there's no thwarting premature excitement or dread. Not only do I have sole responsibility for keeping myself alive and well, there's no one looking out to preserve my emotions each moment of my day. Sure, adulting is hard, but I'm learning it's still something we all just figure out for ourselves. There's the basic avoiding allergens, not eating too much of the food that is bad for us, taking medicine, drinking water, don't drink too much alcohol but maintain a social life... and so on. And then there's the constant balance of keeping hold of reasons to be excited about life, managing risk and reward, staying above the dread about what you can't control, finagling solutions out of dire situations. Every tiny aspect of all of these things looks so different for all of us and then they have the gall to change. 

It's become quite apparent approaching the end of my twenties that I've only begun to find myself, and to continue searching for myself is necessary to thrive and survive.